The Phantom Guide
by CrossBreed777
Summary: So, the Phantom is just not that into you... This story is all about tips and guidelines when it comes to loving that Phantom. Filled with quizzes and info to help get your man!
1. Chapter 1

**So the Phantom is just not that into You**

**A PotO Guide**

By CrossBreed777

~POTO GUIDE~

**Introduction**

**So you want to court the Phantom**

This is not a question. Of course you want to court the Phantom. Who doesn't want to court Erik?

You might think it's as easy as showing some interest in music, claiming you don't judge people by there looks and acting as if you know his pain.

But it's not as simple as that. Sure, sometimes you might be able to pull him out of that emotional wreckage that is his mind. But a lot of the time, the Phantom is just not that into you.

You'd think that Erik would be easy to understand with his angry outbursts and endless rants. Well, think again. Telling the difference can be a matter of life and death for your (possible) relationship (as well as a matter of life and death for your, well, life).

This fan-fic is meant to help. I, CrossBreed777, will show you all the ins and outs, ups and downs, choking and sunburns of courting the Phantom. I will let you know what he's thinking when he's with you, what he's thinking without you, and what you can do to make him yours, morning, noon, and midnight.

After all, you'd have to spend time with Erik to get to know him. And I, CrossBreed777, most definitely have spent time with him.

**Chapter One: Is it really the Phantom or is it a wannabe**

Yes, it is hard to find Erik's lair. On my first try I didn't even make it through the third cellar, and there are often people like Joseph Bouquet who like to impersonate this magnificent man. Do not be fooled by this folly, for the 'wannabe' will be dealt with soon afterwards (and maybe you too if your not careful, remember, Hand at the Level of your Eyes).

Believe me, I understand this annoyance. It used to be easy just to spot him from Box 5 and go from there. Spotting the difference between the Phantom and normal people was as clear as the difference between a piece of rope and a piece of metal. But then the 'wannabes' appeared – stagehands who dress themselves up as the Phantom in order to get ballet girls. They'll deny doing it in front of the managers and Madame Giry (Because their afraid of her, I am too), but, trust me; they're only trying to trap girls into loving them. **Do Not Fall For This**. You deserve much more than a knockoff. You deserve the real deal.

The first way to figure out whether or not the guy you think is the Phantom is truly Erik is to consider his physical appearance. In this case you can judge a book by its cover – and find out whether the book is a sexy, dark, tall, poetic story of eternal devotion or a fat, lame, inarticulate pamphlet of human idiocy.

**Now** the Phantom has a lot of certain features, obviously, his mask. But, since stagehands have made it a habit to adopt this feature it is hard to tell if he is the one. To seek your Phantom out you should look for these signs:

The hair is usually slicked back if he actually puts effort into looking nice (which he always does), or if he didn't have any time (which is never) his hair would be a lovely tousled style.

The skin, as described (if you did your homework), is a yellowy parchment color, you actually can't tell if it's yellow. It only looks like that in the candle light, so it's more of a really light brown.

He also has muscles so pretend to trip into him as an excuse to lean on him. You can feel his ribs? Kudos!

**Now **a stagehand has an annoying lack of awesomeness, foreboding and supersonic hearing, usually says "huh" when you say things quietly. Stagehand signs are:

Expressions (if there not wearing a mask) are usually crooked looking.

Has no stealth or ninja skill

Usually lethargic and slow, the Phantom is fast and dare I say energetic?

You can usually trick the impersonator into revealing themselves with some intelligent conversation or questions. To help you start some intelligent conversation or questions, I have given you some starters.

I heard that Charles Garnier had help designing the Opera Populaire.

I find Romeo and Juliet too tragic, even for a drama… It just reminds me of Carlotta

My secrets are my secrets

I hate grasshoppers, scorpions are much better, more efficient

Remember, remember the fifth of November... Ignore that

I love reading classical books, what do you read?

Finally, there are distinct verbal clues that can tell you whether the man you see is the Phantom or a stagehand. Usually the voice gives away, but there are other ways to tell;

What an impostor says: "Where are you going?"

What Erik says: "Wherever you go, I will follow, that is, until the torture chamber"

What an impostor says: "I love your singing"

What Erik says: "You are my soul" (That's if you're Christine) or "Cease that infernal racket, you make Carlotta sound good!" (If you're a talentless fan-girl)

What an impostor says: "Lovely dress you're wearing there!"

What Erik says: "You look absolutely stunning in that dress"

What an impostor says: "You're such a tease"

What Erik says: "The fact that we can never be together because of this monstrous face only emboldens my desire. To touch you… a hope. To kiss you… a dream."

**Once** you've figured out that the man is the Phantom, you must decide if he is the man for you.

_You: But CrossBreed777, all I want is Erik. He's such a__n aloof, passionate, powerful image of manliness. Erik will do!_

Wrong! You are forgetting that Erik is dangerous, a trained assassin and will not hesitate to be rid of you if you say the wrong thing, annoy him or even look at him funny. He needs a warning label to fan-girls everywhere.

Quiz Time!

You'll swoon on the first time is his lair if:

a) He shows you his manikin of you

b) You don't

c) You choke so much of the candle smoke that you faint

When he plays music you:

a) Walk mesmerized over to him and tear his mask off

b) Smile fondly upon seeing him a sit yourself close to the organ

c) Ignore it, it's not that great

When he goes into one of his rages when you see his face you:

a) Cower in fear and start crying

b) Start to yell at him into submission before comforting him

c) Brush it off, you might have to deal with that often, better get used to it

You're preferred pet name is:

a) Angel

b) My Dear

c) Diddums

Things are getting kind of steamy. He kisses you passionately and:

a) Claims that he is a monster while you cry

b) Kiss him back, he needs the love, but don't go towards the bedroom, that's going too far

c) This stuff for you usually leads to sex

If you answered mostly A's

You are just like Christine, a lot of compassion but you don't know how to use it. Erik is like the boogey man to you and it he needs a lot of covering up for you to get used to him. In conclusion, you're kind of a brat.

If you answered mostly B's

You actually have a future with this guy if your lucky. You can usually get Erik under control but it doesn't always work, keep in mind to give him space when he really needs it.

If you answered mostly C's

You're an ungrateful, snobby whore… I think it'd be better if you two were friends, you could go fop hunting together! But really, if you can't appreciate some of the things Erik does then I don't see this going far.

Finding the Phantom is not the same thing as making him yours. (Or having him decide to make you his.) In another chapter, we will discuss how to make your move. But before we do that, there's another part of the equation we need to consider: you.

_A note from Erik, the Phantom of the Opera_

_I feel flattered that so many young girls find me somewhat… Attractive. But, be warned, I only have my sights set on Christine Daee. And if you try to deter of my goal, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur_

_Signed, O.G._

~POTO GUIDE~

_Tell me what you think please! I do not get all the credit. I used a joke guide book as a template but a lot of this is written by me. Here is your guide to Erik, the Phantom!_


	2. Chapter 2

**So the Phantom is just not that into You**

**A PotO Guide**

By CrossBreed777

~POTO GUIDE~

**Chapter Two: Are you his type?**

Madame Giry may have told you that the Phantom is after one thing and one thing only: your death (If you get too curious). But that is, at best, an oversimplification – if not an outright slander (Erik hates to kill women, were in luck).

Erik is a complex being with complex emotions. If he went after every girl who came along, there would be fewer fan-girls for the man – and fewer living girls.

What Erik looks for in a girl

58% - Compassion

21% - Love

14% - Courage

5% - Attitude

2% - Everything nice

While I personally find the phrase damsel in distress to be demeaning, there is truth in the impulse to make yourself look vulnerable for your Phantom suitor. And by 'vulnerable,' I don't mean getting yourself in to meaningless bouts of trouble in dark alleys and roaming the rafters at night. I've asked the Phantom to weigh in on the age-old question: _What do you look for in a girl? _

After he tried to kill me and I calmed him down I put some of his responses in this chapter. I'll also give you the necessary information you need to draw Erik to you like a moth to a flame – only without that whole self-immolation part.

_**She has to love Erik, for Erik. If she lies it's the torture chamber for her. And she would have to choose between a scorpion and a grasshopper.**_

_**If she puts herself in danger I will try to save her, but, I hate the fact that she can't stay away from those damn stagehands.**_

Okay, some sarcastic points there. But he has a point, you would have to love him for, always try to be truthful and try very hard not to be a damsel in distress, unless you're a klutz, then your excused.

QUIZ

During the day you are usually:

Sleeping

Listening to him compose

Playing chess with him

What dish would you cook for dinner

I don't cook he does, he doesn't let me go anywhere near the kitchen anymore

Nothing he hardly eats

Something simple like tomato soup, even though he won't eat any he'll be surprised that you care enough to consider him

If he gives you flowers, you'll be really happy if it is a:

Rose, looks like he's still thinking about Christine

Something new just for you

Daisies, not much thought there

What time of the day are you most active?

"Active" isn't really my thing.

At sunrise. The alarm clock is really annoying

Right around midnight

Your biggest fear is:

Spiders

Erik

Hardly anything except for the old childhood fears that scared you for life

Your dream holiday with Erik would be:

In Venice relaxing and listening to him compose

Persian territory .

You would stay in the lair with him, you don't need to go on holidays

**Give yourself the following points for each answer**

**a) **0 **b) **2 **c) **3

**a) **2** b) **0** c) **3

**a) **0** b) **3** c) **2

**a) **0** b) **2** c) **3

**a) **2 **b) **0 **c) **3

**a) **3** b) **0** c) **3

For a score of 0 to 6

You might think he's hot, but this relationship doesn't stand a chance. You're better off with the boy who's had a crush on you for three years. You just don't have enough in common to make this last until he throws you into the torture chamber.

For a score of 7 to 12

I think you'd have more of a chance with an emo boy. He may have emotional similarities, but he's not Erik, he's just moody. Erik might be slightly attracted to you to the delicate damsel like you, but you don't have what it takes to hold his interest for very long

For a score of 13 to 18

You really get his heart pumping (hopefully not enough to give him a heart attack). You're like his equal and he'll appreciate you more for it. Haunting the opera house together might be in your future.

_**I'm looking for confidence! So many girls are so insecure that they look in mirrors all the time. They don't mind if I'm there right, so why do they always stare as if something's going to eat them.**_

**It's **important to remember that no matter how fragile, sweet, pretty and twisted you are (or aren't), your lovely Phantom isn't going to be into you unless you have one really big thing going for you: how you deal with death.

I know what your thinking

_As long as he's not going to kill me, I'm okay with it_

True. But we can't ignore death as an important factor in Erik's decision-making process.

_A note from Erik, the Phantom of the Opera_

_It's not that you aren't beautiful like I assume most of you are, it's just the fact that YOU aren't Christine Daee. I'm sure you could all find someone better than this lonesome gargoyle._

_Signed, O.G._

~POTO GUIDE~


	3. ATTENTION

IN ALL STORYS I'M WRITING

Okay, so I'm going on holidays tomorrow and I might not be able to get any internet, or internet that is fast. So what I'm going to do is work on all the chapters I need to do, get some written down in advance, so when I come back I'll be able to post them straight away, or at a steady pace.

I understand that I'm a bit behind with some of my stories, some that I said I would update before I left, (which turns out not to be happening due to a writers block), I am sorry, but if I can I **will** update, because we might be going to Adelaide for internets.

Trust me this website is not the only one that I'm behind on, so if I can I'll update, if not, see you in six weeks.

_Signed CrossBreed777_


	4. Chapter 4

**So the Phantom is just not that into You**

**A PotO Guide**

By CrossBreed777

~POTO GUIDE~

**Chapter Three: Coaxing him out of the Crypt**

**Now **that we've established that you're the one for him and he's the one for you, there's the not-insignificant matter of making contact. Over the years, Erik has been often accused of playing hard to get – but, really, there's no playing involved. He's just hard to get. Still, fear not! With all the right words and all the right moves, you should be able to stand your ground.

You're feeling nervous already, aren't you? You're thinking, _Maybe it's better if I keep my distance. Maybe I should love him from afar. _There's a small group of poets sitting in a lonely corner applauding that choice – but you deserve more than that. Your blood's going to boil until you talk to him, and the world's going to leave you cold until he's yours. Don't pretend you have any choice in the matter. Once you've found him, you have to see it through to the end.

Luckily for you 'future girls', actions and words aren't the only things that speak loudly to Erik. Unlike men, who can only focus on one thing at a time, Erik can take in the whole picture. Often it's the combination of smarts and compassion that tips the balance from disinterest to love. Here we'll examine the best ways to catch your Phantom's eye – or complete attention.

_**Things that will drive Erik towards you:**_

Playing Music – Try to learn a somewhat moderate level instrument to gain Erik's attention, he will love a girl that can play music, but you'd have to be good at it.

Singing – It's the most cliché-ist thing in the book, but yes, singing is an option. Although you would have to become better than Christine, and that's a competition you'll lose.

Reading – A girl who reads lots of books will defiantly get his attention, just make sure it's a healthy dose of reading and not the kind that makes you stay indoors all the time, but hey, Erik might like that

Knowledge – If you're not the smartest person in your class don't worry, everything you've learned from grade 5 and up is enough to blow Erik's mind, because when you think about it, a man who lives in the fifth cellar who knows everything about his time is bound to want to know about the mechanics of the future.

Independence – Everything a girls needs in the 1700, because all of the sexual stereotyping is just getting old, and even though Erik would like a wife to take out on Sundays, he would like her to at least be somewhat independent.

Now I wouldn't know an eyelash curler from a pair of scissors, but I do know that making yourself look a little nice will do wonders for your first meeting. But be warned, Erik won't like a girl who looks like a whore, he's a gentleman.

**Makeup**: Keep it simple. When in doubt, ask yourself, "If I were stranded on a deserted tropical island, which three beauty items could I not live without?" If you're someone who doesn't wear or think they need makeup, good for you, it'll look like your not trying too hard.

_Foundation_ – If you're a future girl who likes to eat fast food like me, you'll need this item, just make sure that you use face cleanser as well and keep it out of Erik's view

_Lipstick_ – Now I personally don't like or use any type of lip product, but if you're someone who does, feel free to use the sexy crimson stuff, you might succeed in giving Erik a nosebleed :3

_Eyeliner_ – And none of the stupid 'ultimate black' that makes you look like you haven't slept for days, go for the lighter colors like light blue or a dullish green and a color that brings out your eyes.

**Fashion**: Have you got name brand clothing like Hot Topic? Rip Curl? No longer! Keep it at home, or better yet donate it to charity. The same goes for polo shirts, slouchy boots, slinky sweaters, and oversize tees. Nothing says classic Parisian-chic like these timeless essentials.

_Corsets_– Don't be stupid and buy a corset that stops you from breathing normally or comfortably

_Lace-Up Ankle Boots _– Of course, they are completely impractical for running through the catacombs and dark passage ways, but before you dismiss these must-haves, remember that a little bit of vulnerability is okay.

If you do nothing else, please avoid wearing pale pink, pale blue, pale yellow, pale lavender… well, anything pale. Go for solid and/or dark colors, and it should go without saying that you should stay away from patterns like the torture chamber.

Pick Up Lines

Once you've got the personality and got the look, you're ready to get your Phantom. The good news, you don't need to give him a heart attack to find a way to his heart. You just have to make the first move.

_Who me? _You're asking.

Yes, You.

Erik doesn't make the first move. If he wants to intentionally scare you then, yes. If he wants to love, no. It's just not his nature.

Start by talking to him. Sometimes it can be as simple as a good pickup line. This is when you can reference back to the intelligent conversation starters in chapter one, confusing to stagehands, enthralling to Erik.

Surely you see a recurring theme here. You may not think of your choice of words as one of your more attractive features, but that's because you've been dating the wrong guys! If he's not going to appreciate you for your voice then how is he truly going to appreciate anything else about you? But, fear not, if you've followed this guide up until now you should be fine.

As your conversation continues, you might find yourself a little challenged. After all talking with the Phantom is very difficult. Lets face it – Erik is older, wiser, smarter, more cultured, better traveled, better read and more interesting that normal people. But don't worry! When Erik talks to you as a normal human being, all he really wants is for you to be dazzled by his intelligence and refined tastes.

You must be ready to compromise some of your lesser human biases. While I want to see you smolder with a feisty sense of fierce independence, I don't want too much disagreement. For your conversation with Erik to truly excel, I would suggest you work on sticking to subjects of that timeline.

Not all girls are as quick on their feet (or with their tongues). Learn from the mistakes of previous fan girls.

_A note from Erik, the Phantom of the Opera_

_Damn, she found the damn guide. Ah I see you're all back for more guidance from this impudent fool-_

"Hey!"

_And if you've made it this far then congratulations, you weren'__t like the certain person who traveled down to my lair, they believed they had learned enough, but this was not true. If they are reading this now, be warned 'Hugo Purist' next time I won't be as forgiving._

_Signed O.G._

~POTO GUIDE~

_I remember receiving a review from 'Hugo Purist' stating she had learned all that she needed to know. But thank you for all the reviews I received for this guide and thank you for waiting such a long time for this to come out. I kind of forgot about it after the holidays and I'm currently updating a lot of my stories and also dealing with year 12 so please bear with me._

_Sorry about that... I posted the wrong chapter to the wrong story... he he, once again sorry and here is your guide_


	5. Chapter 5

**So the Phantom is just not that into You**

**A PotO Guide**

By CrossBreed777

~POTO GUIDE~

**Chapter Four: Love at first date****?**

Even Erik would get nervous before his first date. Granted, he wouldn't get as nervous as you. He gets headaches. He gets the ultimate butterfly syndrome. Sometimes his left arm goes numb. But if he does care enough to go on a date, he cares about how it will go. And lets just face it, Erik is cute when he's nervous, although it could cause a heart attack, and we want to avoid that.

The first thing to do is to figure out where to go and what to do on your date. It can't be too overwhelming romantic (that's his job), but it can't seem too casual wither. Walk the line carefully.

The Phantom isn't like other men (but that's why you're attracted to him!), so don't expect them to act like everyone you've dated before – boys with pathetic carnations and their even more pathetic excuses. When dating Erik, you must keep the following in mind:

**Promptness: **You should always be on time, but be aware that your Phantom will most likely turn up during the middle of the first act. Its his way of life and chance are he doesn't want to give it up straight away.

**Dining: **Try to plan a date that's not about eating, such as nightly walks, sneaking down a laptop and watching a movie, or another activity that involves a cavernous room with no windows- Hey stop thinking that!

But if eating does come up, be thoughtful. Don't pressure him into eating.

**Conversation: **Okay, so the conversation starters might be a good idea, but you'd have to have some background on what your talking about. Create flash cards to help you memorize the different operas of the Opera House, and make sure you're well-versed on Parisian politics of the 1800s. One thing you do not want to bring up is about his time in Persia. It's not really polite to bring up murder on a first date.

**Other Women: **A BIG NO, NO! Obviously he hasn't seen anyone else apart from Christine, so try not to hiss when he mentions her, because he will. Also there's his past to consider, and you won't want to bring that up either, unless you want a murder on your hands.

**It's **always important to remember that the rules of dating are different because of your timelines. Take it slow. Remember, he's into chivalry and old fashioned courtship. Still, don't be afraid to take risks. If he tries to hold your hand, just think really warm thoughts and go for it!

Erik is known for his straightforward way of speaking. Still, while what he says is clear enough to him, sometimes we fan girls have a hard time hearing what he really means. This is something I have been investigating with my time in the lair, but here I would like to focus on Erik's courting language.

**HE SAYS: **Only through the music I create will I be able to explain how taken I am with you

**HE MEANS: **You look lovely tonight

Yes at first its confusing, but as soon as he starts playing music you'll know what he's talking about. The best thing to do is reply with a "thank you"

**HE SAYS: **This is not the time, nor the place to be discussing such things

**HE MEANS: **I want to get to know you better

We all know that Erik is not a perv, usually a stagehand would say this, but I trust your past that, if not, get your ass back to chapter one. But if it is Erik than he truly wants to know you better. Good he has an interest

As a rule Erik does not let much of himself go. He leaves that to his music. So when you get to the end of a date, don't expect to know right what he's thinking. If he hasn't killed you, that's a good sign. If he says he wants to see you again, that's even better. He's not going to put on a goofy smile, or start calling you by a nickname (unless you count 'pest' as a nickname). That's not his style, and the minute you start expecting that, you're sure to be disappointed. Instead, let him express himself in "Erik's" way.

If you've survived the first date with both your life and his love intact, then you're ready to take it to the next level: a full-on relationship. In Part Two, we'll show you how to navigate these treacherous (and sometimes bloody) waters.

_A note from Erik, the Phantom of the Opera_

_Oh you're still here, and she's still writing that damn guide. I must admit, I never thought that this many women cared for Erik. I should re-think my advances towards Miss Daee_

"Wow, do you really mean that?"

… _NO, YOU IMPUDENT FOOL! I must leave now to plan my next music lesson with Miss Daee_

_Cough, cough _"Stalker session" _cough_

_Stop this nonsense, or a disaster beyond your imagination shall occur!_

_Signed O.G._

~POTO GUIDE~

_Geez, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, I have this major writers block, hence the reason that this chapter is soo small. But hopefully the next chapter will be longer and better_

_Cheers_

_CB777_


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